My Personal Thoughts/Story

I said when I decided to do this I was going to be open and honest and lay all the cards on the table.  So here we go. I am 38 years old and I am 290 pounds.  And yes -  I cringe in putting that out there for the entire world to see but at the same time it is liberating and no one can say anything about me that has not been said before.  I have had weight issues my whole life.  I have yo-yo'd back and fourth all my life.  In 2000 when I married Jason,  I was wearing a size 18/20.  He was wearing a 28x32 and was a tall dark and handsome cowboy.  12 years later and I am wearing a 30/32 and he is in a 42x32.  In the past 12 years I have had a baby -- but she is not where I gained weight.  With Rhyan I lost my baby weight easily.  It was after her that I truly gained more... and then more... 

Jason was injured while I was pregnant with Rhyan.  His horse slipped on concrete and went down on top of him crushing his lower back. He was bedridden for almost 8 full months and the doctor told him if he had not gotten treatment he would have been wheelchair bound.  Couple that injury with years of working hard on the ranch, playing soccer in school and such and his body has taken a beating.  His knees are shot.  He will eventually need them replaced.  And with all this going on and a wife who cooks - well you gain weight.  That has made it hard on him not only just doing everyday things like feeding animals and playing with Rhyan but the harder things like working with the horses and cattle etc become almost impossible.  And those are the things he loves doing and when he can't that gets him down. Dieting is something he has never HAD to do and I think that has made it even more difficult for him.

In 2003 Chara and I did Atkins and for a while the weight fell off of us -- I was down from a size 26 to a 22.  She was wearing 12s!!  We were happy and on what we thought was a great way to changing... until I broke BOTH my ankles and her knee gave out (again).  From there we just never got back on track.  I lost my Mom and being so far from home and coping was not easy so I ended up on anti depressants and they really screwed me up.  My weight grew and I was miserable.  I got off of them, joined a gym and after losing 25 pounds put it right back on and could not get it to leave. I was distraught. I was huge and unhappy.  And nothing was working.  Working out. Eating more healthy choices. Nothing. 

I decided it was just not gonna happen and tried to just go on with life.  But the thing about being fat is there is no life.  It becomes hard to go out and have fun because that means getting dressed and that means clothes and well lets face it they do not make cute clothes for fat people!  I am not your typical 38 year old.  I still love rock and roll and go to concerts and go to clubs and when I do I want to LOOK good.  I do not want to look like an old frump.  I am a rocker girl.  So no fun clothes = no fun going out.  And let me tell you if you think it's no fun buying clothes for going out -- clothes for "staying in" are not fun either and hey since you do not like yourself in clothes being out of them is worse!  So yes, your "adult life" sucks  and that makes for a whole other mess of problems.

The last year has been so huge for me.  For all of us really. 



Chara and I have been slowly building our photography business - Flashblind Photography - and it is really growing.  We  are so excited about this!  We not only work with incredible clients but we are blessed to work with some wonderful organizations on our community.  We are the House Photographers for Sunrise Entertainment who does a wonderful concert series at the Warren Amphitheater each summer as well as other entertainment shows.  We also shoot for the Youngstown Vindicator - one of the 2 local papers AND Chara is the House Photographer for the Covelli Centre in Youngstown - our local arena!  While building this all up we learned that my thyroid had almost ceased working.  I was placed on Synthroid and although it took 2 does changes to get it working good - it is finally beginning to work.  Which is great timing because while running up and down the sidelines of a high school playoff game last fall Chara and I looked at each other and said OK we GOTTA make some changes.  We tried working out again  but her knees are also bad and it is hard for her to work out.  We need to get some of the weight off so her knees can handle working out more.  We were in this horrible Catch 22 type pattern. Wanting to lose weight - not being able to really get it off.  At the same time the business is continuing to grow... we moved in with Evaline's Bridal in Warren and are booking more weddings and events and sessions...and all the time we are going "We have to get fit.  We need to loose weight.  WTF are we gonna do?  We HAVE to get this weight off!"

So here we are. February 13, 2012 and we are all 3 committed to not just getting the weight off but really reshaping ourselves and our lives.  We have so much exciting stuff going on that we really just want to be able to ENJOY it at our fullest potential and to do that we have to not just lose weight but really get healthy.

I am sure it is not going to be easy and I am sure we will have good days, bad days and some very big hurdles but I know we can do it!  I am sure this post has rambled.  I wrote it while listening to the Grammy's tonight.  I will try to be more concise and clear in the future.  We welcome all comments, questions and yes prayers as we go through this!  If you wanna join in we will gladly support you!  The more the merrier - and healthier!

Love you all!
Gen